This same principle applies to our homes. Many of us underestimate the impact that our habitats have on every aspect of our lives. Left without occasional infusions of effort and energy, both home and occupant can go dormant and risk staying that way.

But these infusions don’t always require a major overhaul unless the problems are architectural in nature, like poor flow or inadequate storage. Knocking down walls and replacing all the furniture may be the plan of action for some projects, but most homes don’t require that level of shift – or expense. In fact, over the years I’ve talked many clients off the ledge of unnecessary renovation by showing them that they already have what they need right under their own roofs. Most times a little shake up and a good spit shine is all that is needed.

My absolute favorite quick fix is the one-day makeover. I love being able to implement such transformation in a short amount of time. Typically, I arrive to find a home that’s been ignored, or maintained without change, and a homeowner who can no longer see any redeeming qualities or possibilities. My visit is met with both anticipation and dread as clients nervously anticipate not being able to use their existing furnishings and dread getting a laundry list of expensive new items to buy.

But I am looking at their homes through an objective lens. That lens is free from the emotional or ego attachments they have with their possessions and free from the belief that things should look a certain way. If something is just wrong, it goes. But more times than not, I see possibility in things that have been written off as awkward or old or unneeded. I begin by making a mental note of the inventory I’ve got to work with and my mind starts the process of mentally rearranging possibilities. And then we’re ready to roll…

As we work, furniture is pried from predictable layouts and rearranged. Perhaps it finds new identity as it is re-purposed to another room in the house. Artwork that seemed unrelated before is re-hung in new groupings that appear to visually change the dimensions of a wall or punctuate a space. Organization emerges from chaos as things are put where they most make sense, all the while, editing out what is deemed unnecessary. At the end of the day, the homeowner is left both exhausted and energized as they walk through what feels like a new house. But most satisfying to me is their understanding that transformation is something they can manifest with intent and a little action. This experience helps them gain the confidence to explore a makeover in other realms of their world.

Sometimes rearranging is just what we need to help us see things differently or make way for something new to emerge. Physical shifts like moving furnishings or visual shifts, like new paint or pattern, translates into palpable energetic ones that can have great impact on our moods, our outlooks and even our health. So if you’re looking to shake things up in your life, consider shaking up the very place you live that life.

For those that have a practice of checking in with themselves on a regular basis this clearing is familiar and done with relative ease. The places that need tending to are in plain sight and easily addressed. But for some, the waking up process meets more resistance because it is an unfamiliar routine. We may be met with discomfort as we come head to head with layers of neglect, old beliefs or excuses we need to dig through. It may seem like a bulldozer is needed to clear even the narrowest of paths. But if we don’t, no light can get through and we are doomed to live in our own dark shadow.

Getting comfortable with the practice of clearing in our homes is a great starting point because we can see the results almost immediately. Rather than getting bogged down by the totality of what needs to be done, just pick a small starting point, like a closet or a bookshelf, sock drawer or under a bed and just keep on going. You may be amazed by how much unneeded stuff you have shoved into that space between your internal and external you. The more you clear out the narrower the gap will become. You’ll be inspired to continue when you turn around and see the change that comes about as a result of your own effort and actions. You may be ready to explore clearing in other areas of your life. Whether we are clearing the contents of a junk drawer or the contents of our lives, the skill set is the same. Done on a routine basis we are able to re-center ourselves before wobbling too far from center.

For any relationship to be healthy and thrive it requires our time and effort,
even when we don’t always feel like it. As with most things in life, small
efforts can have deep and meaningful impact. Without those efforts, we can start to see the symptoms of deterioration rather quickly. We stop recognizing what it was that we loved about each other and we fall out of love.

The same is true with the relationships we have with our homes. Many of us forget to show our appreciation to the very place we begin and end each day. If I were to add a new holiday it would be devoted to bringing mindfulness to these sacred spaces. I’d have mushy cards thanking it for being the place I show my family how much I love them. I’d have funny cards thanking it for all the dinner parties and holiday memories created there and I’d have serious cards thanking it for providing security and respite from the crazy world beyond it’s front door. But I know that this is not a one sided relationship. I know that I am doing my part to insure we are a happy coupling.

With that perspective, it’s not hard to see how my role as an interior designer parallels that of a marriage counselor (thus The Interior Design Shrink). I’m allowed me first hand access to home and homeowner, where I can see all the ways neglect has crept into the relationship. The symptoms are easily detected to the trained eye and I can see the impact this strained relationship has on all those living there. Sometimes when people call me they are on the verge of a “break up”. I’ve heard clients say, “I just can’t stand being home anymore” or “I can’t live like this one more day”. Something has stopped working and they can’t always figure out what or why. My job is to remind them of the ways their home still works and make adjustments to the parts that don’t. The good news is that these cases aren’t hopeless. If I have a homeowner willing to put in the effort and make some changes there is always a way to fall back in love.

There are many ways that we get into a relationship rut with the four walls around us. One of the most common is taking a house for granted. We zip out the door in the morning and race to the very busy lives we’ve built in the outside world. We return home at the end of the day exhausted and don’t think twice about dumping backpacks and piles of mail and clothes everywhere. Perhaps we are too tired to even notice the trash that’s blown into the bushes or the shutter that’s hanging by a hinge. Our houses sit silently by as we choke out rooms with more “stuff” and home becomes little more than our own personal dumping grounds.

Another relationship killer happens when your home is excluded from the company of family and friends. Keeping the two apart can create a divide that is hard to span.
We all need to go out and experience the world (near and far from home) but when more of our life is happening away from home than in it, we can disconnect from one another. If we never take the time to bring in the energy of life – whether it’s a cup of coffee shared with a neighbor or a blow out celebration – a house can become a very lonely place indeed. When I entertain, I always feel like my house is co-hosting and I notice how much better it looks and feels when it’s filled with laughter and good food.

It’s no surprise when a relationship ends because of a 3rd party. I see it all the time when the care of a home is totally abdicated to someone else. With all the demands made on our daily lives we all need a little help (I’m the first to ask when I need some), but if we don’t maintain some level of involvement, our homes cease being our own. I once had a client that had the worse cleaning lady ever. It was downright stealing as she showed up every week, took her money and left without any evidence that she had been there. My client would lament that the cleaning woman didn’t organize closets or pick up the endless piles lying around the house. She started to feel like another woman had control of her home. I reminded her that it was up to her to establish the order so someone else could be of help in maintaining it. After all, how can we expect someone to devote more love and care to our homes than we do? But this story had a happy ending. After weeks of intensive purging, establishing organizational systems and re-decorating, my client began to re-bond with her home. It became so easy to maintain that there was no need for her cleaning lady to come anymore.

If you haven’t given your home the attention it deserves it’s not too late.

By seeing the places we’ve become neglectful we can see the places where we need to focus our attentions. If both of our needs are being acknowledged and met, it can make for a long and happy life together. So look around and see where you can rekindle that flame. Updating outdated furnishings can be the equivalent of giving it a large box of chocolates. A fresh coat of paint can restore it’s youthful glow. And occasionally bring it flowers as a reminder that you are grateful to have it in your life.

Perhaps the reason that so many of us fail at making the changes we set out to is because we approach change with the mindset of self-chastisement or depravation. We have to “kick a habit”, “fight an urge” or “battle our demons” – no wonder we’re exhausted and eventually quit. Even the word “resolution” implies a kind of internal agreement to deprive us of something – even if it is not in our best interest. To deprive is to focus on what doesn’t work, instead of directing our energy toward what does work.

What if we replaced the word “resolution” with the word “transformation”, as in “I am looking forward to great transformation this year”. Suddenly the energy shifts from a negative, combative set-up (ripe for failure) to one filled with positivity and possibility. “Transformation” implies that changing to something better is already happening, and that seems like a better prospect for success than deprivation does.

That shift in semantics would allow us to see that it takes more energy to labor over change than it actually takes to change.

Transformation is powerful, but it doesn’t happen with pixie dust and magical wishes whispered as the ball drops on New Year’s Eve. It’s hard work, but it will feel easier because if we keep our sights on seeing our new visions realized.


When I see a home for the first time I am looking at ways to make it better – to transform it. I have a wonderful client that I’ve been working with since last spring. Marriage had launched her to a new city, a new job and away from a life she knew well. To top it all off, the new home she was living in had been tailored to the previous owners’ taste and offered nothing familiar to greet her after a long day at work. She knew she needed to start rooting into her physical space so she could begin growing roots in other areas of her new life. I’m sure she’d agree that her mindset was more hesitation than excitement when the process began.
The months of construction were daunting, as we knocked out walls and re-arranged spaces in a way she and her husband had never considered. With every new day she had physical proof that transformation was in progress, giving her renewed energy to see this vision to the end.

I got proof of her transformation the day after the furnishings, draperies and artwork were installed. I received a lovely email telling me she felt as if she stepped into someone else’s life. A week later another email followed saying, “I took today off to just sit at home.” This is something she could have never imagined herself saying just one year ago.


Transformation doesn’t happen at the start of a new year. It can happen any month, any day or at any moment we choose. We have 365 days each year that are filled with opportunities to change our environments, our bodies and our minds and we don’t need a party hat or noisemaker to get us there.

The finishing up of one year and preparing to enter another is a lot like moving from one home to another. Every new year is an opportunity for creating something better than what you’re leaving behind. Like walking into an unfurnished house with white walls, this is ours to fill as we please. But in order to make it a smooth transition from old to new, all the bits and pieces that you’ve accumulated need to be re-accessed to see if they still have meaning to you. Do they support you as you move forward or keep you stuck? Do they stay or do they go? Not asking these questions is like shoving all your stuff into boxes, hauling them to your new place and then leaving them to pile up in the basement.

When we don’t take time to clear away the “old” the “new” cannot reveal itself.

This process of clearing the old before starting something new can’t be done without first making a bit of a mess. Before I begin a new design project, I start by straightening up my studio. This exercise is my way of whitewashing the walls of my mind, to center my thoughts and invite creativity to re-enter. Once I’ve made that energetic clearing, I can begin to form something totally new from the scores of samples, catalogs and picture files that surround me. I lay the myriad of options out on my two large worktables. Sometimes I don’t have a clear picture of where I am headed, so I look at each option and decide if it’s a direction I would like to pursue. One by one the things that don’t work are discarded to the floor until only the things that really feel right are left on my tabletop. It looks like a bomb has gone off when I look down and I start the process of putting it in order once again.

The process of ripping the “old” apart is actually the easy part. Once we’re motivated to start purging, we see results that build the momentum to keep going. But it’s what to do with those piles of discarded clothes, furnishings, relationships or ideologies that can be daunting. There are plenty of donation centers and needy friends willing to take the physical possessions off of our hands, but what about the “stuff” that’s been stored in the attics and junk drawers of our lives? The good news is that once we decide we no longer want to lug that junk from year to year to year it ceases to exist. No dumpsters or trash bags needed.

As we countdown and prepare for a brand new year, I remind myself to see the power in the seemingly mundane task of purging which leaves me with more than clean closets and a clear head. This New Years Eve I will remember to turn around and look at all the stuff I’ve discarded to the floor. It is in those piles that I see how I have changed and grown and reminded that I am able to create my own freedom from the trinkets, thoughts or ties that I no longer need in my life. I can’t get that from any gift from a mall or catalog.

Happy New Year to you all!

Fortunately, all of these stories had happy endings. While a home renovation might seem like a deal breaker, it may just be an opportunity to renovate what isn’t working in a marriage. It can force couples to look at their differences and design a plan for change. They can decide what needs to go into the relationship dumpster and what is precious enough to bring back inside.

Time and time again, I am amazed at how the physical home is the arena where life’s lessons are presented to us and problems can be solved.
We can learn so much about ourselves by reflecting on the space that houses the life we build there. Whether it’s an update or total gut job of the physical or metaphorical “home”, it is always up to us whether or not we will live happily ever after.

Years ago I got a call from a woman saying she needed my design help because she “hated” her home. When I pulled up I could not figure out why she used such a strong word. It was a sprawling, Tudor styled home in one of the most exclusive towns on Philadelphia’s Main Line. But as I walked toward the door my initial perception began to change. The doorbell didn’t work and there were cigarette butts and old newspapers in the bushes by the front door. When the homeowner came to the door she was on the phone and holding a stack of papers in her hand. She waved me in and I was able to see several rooms from the large front foyer. There were boxes and piles of mail everywhere and suitcases sat at the bottom of the steps. Dry cleaning hung on the knob of a cabinet and looked as if it had given up hope of ever being put away. When her called ended the woman gave me “the tour”. I noticed that she peeked her head in each room rather than enter fully. It was quickly evident that she viewed her home as a place of neccessity and nothing more. As we talked further she told me about the messy divorce, the demanding career and complained about her unruly kids. After about 30 minutes I was dying to get out of there and breathe some fresh air. I was choking on the negativity, which hung like smog in every part of the house. I knew that beautiful fabrics and fresh paint would make it a pretty home, but unless she was willing to invest some of herself and shift her mindset, it would never be a happy one. By the end of the meeting it was clear that her involvement began and ended with writing the checks.

I called the next day to say that I regretted not being able to take on her project.
She would have never understood that only half of the changes I help people make can be seen or sat on.

I’ve always made a conscious decision to work with people who have a deeper understanding of what “home” is. I recently got a call from a couple that was delighted to be building their “dream home”. They’d worked hard to parlay their investments and efforts into buying a beautiful piece of property in Virginia. We set up an initial meeting to review the scope of the project and the preliminary drawings that had been done. Never once did they mention a specific design style that they wanted to achieve or a particular physical possession that they “just had to have”. They talked so enthusiatically about the design of the life they would live in that home – how the kids would grow up there, how family and friends would gather there and how they might grow old and gray there. I know that this will be a truly beautiful home. Not only because of my efforts, but because they are adding the essential elements that could never come from a designer or architect.

If we look at our homes (and our lives) as an outsider would, what would we see? Would we see a reflection of a life we want to be living? If we peeked in the windows would we see a place that invites love, inspiration and life energy? Or, are the curtains drawn with no one at home. Would you want to knock on the door and meet the people living inside?




I help people to fix what isn’t working in their lives by starting to fix what isn’t working in their physical surroundings. But any solid fix requires an accurate diagnosis of the problems. To discover where the problems lie, I recommend a very simpe exercise. Pretend that you are listing your home for sale. Make an imaginary flyer listing all of the attributes that make your home, and the life you lead there, desirable. I’m not talking about copper gutters and high ceilings. I’m talking about those intangibles that don’t show up on a comp list. Things like good energy and spaces for inspiration, relaxation and enjoying the company of others.

Now think about all the things you wouldn’t put in your ad – that its cramped by clutter? That your 14 hour work days allow you to keep ignoring things that need your attention? That you are too embarrassed and overwhelmed to have others come in?

Find the things you want to hide in your home and in your life and you have found the very things that need your attention. Make a “to do” list and start addressing them and knocking them off your list. You may just find yourself in a place you love living.



“He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Over the years, I’ve seen people fall into two categories. I’ve noticed that those who embrace change as a constant part of life are more open to testing the buffet that life has to offer. By deciding what they’ll take and what to pass on they have more control over the state of balance in their lives. They have a better understanding of the choices they’ve made in the past, both the successful and not so successful ones. This knowledge serves as a compass leading them to make decisions about where to go next. It’s no surprise that this mindset has fewer rules, less pre-conceived notions or self imposed limitations, thus making it easier to adapt in a world that’s constantly changing.

I’ve also seen the flip side. Even when there is a proclaimed desire for change, the fear of stepping away from what is already known is too great. These folks are not willing to believe that the unexplored world is really worth all the effort needed to discover it. They may consciously or unconsciously self-sabotage to avoid making the changes needed to propel forward in life. By choosing to limit the opportunities for change, they are destined to be limited in their journey of self-discovery, tripping over the same issues time after time. Like a dog chasing it’s tail, all energies are being put into staying in the same spot. But, staying still is an impossible quest, as life changes – with or without our permission. Choosing to stay stagnant or choosing to grow takes the same amount of energy, just a different intention for the outcome.



Change is nothing more than an opportunity to check in with our selves to see what still fits and what does not.

For many of us, the call to change starts with an internal feeling that one or more areas of life aren’t running smoothly. If we listen, change can greet us gently, in the form of choices, presented for our consideration. Because change is constant, our attention is needed many times over the course of our lives. But most of us get so distracted with the fast pace of life that we don’t make the time to stop and check in. Doing so can be as formal as a meditative practice, a consultation with a designer or a scheduled session with a therapist. Or, it can be as simple as giving yourself 5 minutes of day dreaming or sitting in your quiet living room with a glass of wine, turning off the rest of life’s demands for a precious few minutes.
If we keep ignoring the gentler requests for our time, the universe has a wonderful way of forcing us into change – through illness, deterioration of relationships or taking away the finances, status and “stuff” we may have identified with.
For my money, it’s easier to self-evaluate my life than to have circumstance and happenstance do it for me.

My motto is “change is always good, even if it doesn’t look like it at the time”.
Change is the action that propels us to a deeper understanding of who we really are and what we really need. One of my yoga teachers reminds me that every breath is an opportunity for change. Not every year or every hour, but every breath! Imagine that. Living with that as my truth reminds me that there is nothing in this world that cannot be undone. Therefore, no decision or belief has to be permanent. There is always room for a left hand turn down an undiscovered road. And, like the makeover show contestants, there is always the possibility that change will drop us off in an even better place than the one we already know.